Being a working parent is tough. I don’t need to explain that to anyone with kids.
Being a single working parent. Well, it takes tough to a new level.
My experience of the last week has shown me just how tough that is. I’m lucky, my wife is in hospital and this is only temporary. I’m lucky that my job allows me a level of flexibility. I’m also lucky that I have an incredibly supportive and understanding employer. I’m not so sure, that many employers are.
“Dad, I’ve lost my tie”
“We really need to prioritize this search, I’m uncomfortable with how we’re progressing”
“Someone has stolen my PE kit. I need a new one or I’ll get detention”
“Can you give me your views on this document? By tomorrow am”
“Dad, we’re making scones tomorrow. We do have the ingredients don’t we?”
“We’ve just received a grievance. How do you want to play it?”
“Can you help out at scouts tomorrow night? We’re short on leaders”
“I need you to dial into a conference call at midday”
“Dad….have you fed the guinea pigs?”
We have guinea pigs?????
The conflicting pulls and demands, the geographical disparity of events. The constant feeling of being behind. The guilt that comes from feeling that you are achieving everything, but none of it properly. The fatigue.
The moment you look in the fridge and realise there is nothing to eat.
So I know that people who live in circumstances like this have a better chance of setting up support systems to help them. I also know that if I was doing this permanently, I’d have to choose to make certain sacrifices to ensure balance.
But that is the point. As organisations, when we talk about being family friendly, we know what we mean, but do we know what people actually need? If I had a pound for every manager that over the length of my career had talked about “intermittent absence” or “loss of concentration” related to family concerns.
If organisations are focussed on output rather than input. If they are truly about finding and nurturing the best talent. If we genuinely see people as our greatest asset. Then some of them are going to be in family situations that make work hard.
That doesn’t mean they’re slacking, it doesn’t mean that they don’t want to work, it doesn’t mean that they don’t value or respect you as an employer. It just means that they are constantly balancing and weighing up conflicting commitments.
Lets put it this way, if you had the choice between completing that “important” report or making sure that your kids were picked up on time and not left standing in front of the school, what would you choose?
Most of us, if we could, would choose both.