1) “We’re looking for a big hitter” – Come again? Explain to me what a big hitter actually is? An admission that you’ve failed to develop your internal talent? An acceptance that you normally recruit mediocre talent? I’ve never met a big hitter, I’m not sure I’d recognise one if I did. Except perhaps for the unnatural muscle development in the dominant arm.
2) “You must have experience in the industry” – Ok….so walk me through this. Either they need specific skills, or they don’t. I get that if you are looking to hire a rigger for the North Sea then a certain amount of experience is going to be required, so just define it. But if you’re looking for a Finance Manager? Or a HR Manager? How does industry really matter?
3) “We provide opportunities for growth and development” – Oh no? Really? Because I was looking for a job that didn’t. I was really looking for something that had no room for any sort of progression. Everything was looking so good up until that point. We were so close, but yet so far.
4) “We require a demonstrable record of hitting targets” – I’m good at darts, that works, no? Because otherwise I’ll have to tell you the truth, about the fact that I’ve slightly missed every target set for me throughout my career. Because, of course, I’ll admit that at interview, because you’ve asked me. And we always tell the truth.
5) “You need to demonstrate progressive experience” – Now I’m at a loss. Can you have regressive experience? Maybe as a recruiter you can? Maybe that’s the thing?Maybe they live in some parallel universe. Maybe.
Or, maybe it is just me?