HR

Is there anyone out there? – #CIPD11 Day One

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Day one at the CIPD conference and as I said yesterday it has been a while since I was here.  Now it may be me, or it may be a reflection on the economic climate….but where the hell is everyone?

The CIPD boasts 135,000 members on its website.  I’d be amazed if 1% of them were here.  Which means that either people can’t afford to attend, people don’t want to attend or everyone has been abducted by aliens sent by SHRM in a form of extraordinary rendition to the US.  Whatever is true it feels like a poor showing.

Looking at the programme of contents, it isn’t as if the subject matter isn’t relevant.  My experience to date is that the quality is pretty wide-ranging (to say the least).  That said, given that I’m yet to speak myself I’m probably setting myself up for a right royal fall. But that is to be expected at any conference….there are very few that can deliver a consistently high calibre of sessions year in year out.

So what is it that are keeping the numbers away?  Even the exhibition stands, once like a slightly tacky freebie version of Sodom and Gomorrah are quiet.  When I asked people how attendance was going, the normal response was, “We’ve seen a few people”.  But then they are hardly going to say that they’ve been sat on their backsides all day with little or nothing to do.  Is it the quality of the freebies? There are only a certain number of Quality Street and rubbish pens that one person can consume in their lifetime.

All in all, I reckon a couple of things are at play.  The number of people attending just the exhibition must be down, as companies reign in their discretionary spend, leading to the impression of lower footfall. And that leaves the people who are willing to pay out to attend the conference proper. With a three-day ticket costing over £1000 people will think twice about the value an event like this can give them compared to other uses for limited funds.

A recession is hard for everyone, and the recession that we seem to be in is doubly hard. I’m not sure that the CIPD are necessarily doing anything wrong with their approach, but as people choose not to go there is always a fear that they want come back again in future years.  Is this the end of the conference as we know it? Some will argue that the unconference format is the way forward, but I’m really not that convinced.  The financial model of large conferences, however, relies on numbers and numbers seem to be dwindling.

Maybe tomorrow will prove me wrong, maybe this is the new norm and my absence over the past few years is fogging my memory. But looking at current rates, I’d say that we can only have a few more years to go in this format before it becomes unviable.  I don’t think that is good for the profession of for the Institute.

Something is going to have to change……

Emails from hell

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From: A. Realone – HR Director 

Sent: 2 October 2011 12:05

To: All staff

Subject: Collections 

It has been brought to my notice that some people are concerned that the volume of birthday and other collections has simply grown too great. Even though we are careful to ensure contributions are voluntary, some people feel pressurised, and they certainly take quite a lot of time to organise.

Some time ago it was suggested that we just had collections for leavers/weddings/babies and birthdays with ‘0’ at the end. I have spoken to T.Heman about it and while he himself thinks it could be a good solution, he feels that this is not really a matter for the CEO to decide and suggests that we all vote on what we want to do.

Therefore please use the voting buttons above to have your say:

Vote 1: if you want everything to stay as it is

Vote 2: if you just want company collections for leavers/weddings/babies and birthdays with an ‘0’ at the end.

Vote 3: if you want them all to stop

A. Realone

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Are you depressed yet? You will be when I tell  you that this is one of a number of real emails that was sent on to me. The reason they were being sent on? Because people were laughing at HR. I guess on the upside, at least it was sent to me because they knew that I’d be laughing at HR too….

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Our profession is sadly stuffed with poor and mediocre people,  for every one of us (and I hope that I’m included in this) doing good progressive, HR management, there are three to five people making a mockery of the profession. And those aren’t good odds.

So in an attempt to raise the professional bar, I’d like to suggest an alternative response to the problem, feel free to adopt this style of response in any future communications……

 I hope you enjoy.

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From: A. Realone – HR Director 

Sent: 2 October 2011 12:05

To: All staff

Subject: Collections 

I thought I’d take a moment out to remind you that you are all adults, this isn’t a facet of your existence that sheds itself as you enter the doors of this hallowed building.  And being an adult means that you have free will and you have choices.  If there is something that is happening in the organisation that you don’t like you should feel free to challenge it directly with the people involved. If there is a collection for someone who you don’t want to participate in then feel free to say so.

If you feel incapable of doing so then perhaps you might want to go and have a chat with T.Heman about it (if you feel that it is appropriate for a CEO to be involved).  Let me know if you do, I’d love to listen in. 

In the meantime, to support our organisational TNA and to help us support you our valued employees, I’d be grateful if you’d take a moment to assess yourself against the following criteria and respond by using the voting buttons above:

Vote 1: if you need to grow a pair

Vote 2: if you don’t understand which pair you need to grow

Vote 3: if you understand the irony of this email and are going to quit whinging like a bunch of children

Best regards,

A. Realone

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PS. The names have been changed not to protect the innocent, but to hopefully keep me out of trouble!

Disappointment and performance

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As a proud Welshman, I was hooked to the television on Saturday morning to watch the Welsh rugby team play France in the semi final of the Rugby World Cup. The Welsh were favourites after a series of strong performances in earlier games and it seemed that it was almost a matter of time until I was watching them in the final for the first time.

But with less than 20 minutes gone, their captain was controversially sent off and reduced to 14 men for over an hour, the effort was too much and they lost by a single point. Unsurprisingly, the post match analysis and the media focus was all on the sending off, the rights and the wrongs, the ins and the outs. In the words of the Coach Warren Gatland,

 “the destiny of having the opportunity was taken away from us”

In business I have seen so many people who feel the same way. Passed over for a promotion, working for someone who they don’t respect, not paid the amount they think they are worth, on the project that is going to the wall because it is being led by “that idiot”.

And that is the thing, it is always someone else’s fault. And often the one at fault is the guy in charge.

I’m not going to say that the world is without injustice. Sometimes bad things happen. But my point is that obsessing on these things just isn’t healthy. It doesn’t make you a better person, it doesn’t improve your performance it ultimately will not bring you success.

There are certain factors that you can control in your life, in your work, and there are others that you can’t. Focussing on and trying to control the things that are out of reach of your influence is a sure-fire way for a life of resentment and frustration.

The Welsh players can’t go back and change the decision that was made. But they can prepare for the third place play off and show the world why they are the team that everyone would wish to be in the final. And then they can go on to the Six Nations on a high and with a chance to show the world once again their abilities.  They need to accept that they didn’t lose because a player was sent off, they lost because they scored less points than the other team.

Likewise, you can’t go back and get that promotion, change your manager, increase your own pay or run that project. But you can focus on the next opportunity, the next chance to shine and you can prepare yourself to make the most of it.

Disappointment is natural, we all want to do well. But most of the time it is your fault when things go wrong. Accept that, work out what you’d differently and focus on improvement. It takes a bigger person to do and sure it will hurt at times, but I guarantee it will be ten times more effective than focusing on past failures and looking for someone to blame.

The Carnival of HR

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Welcome friends, pull up a chair, make yourselves comfortable, maybe get a cup of tea, something to nibble on (just no crumbs on the keyboard ok?) and enjoy the latest round of lovingly scribed delicacies submitted for the enjoyment and pleasure of the Carnival of HR. So, if you’re sitting comfortably, then I’ll begin……

Very few bloggers can get me to go and have a conversation with a fish, but Paul Smith in his post “One great thing you need to know about being a manager” nearly made me do so. I say nearly, because I don’t want you to thank that I’m either mad or easily influenced.  I knew the post was a lesson on leadership really, assume makes an ass out of u and me, as they say.

Meanwhile, back in reality Cathy Missildine-Martin is mulling over the key aspects of corporate culture and no…not the pot of yoghurt that was left in the fridge sometime before the summer holidays.  What leads to a good culture? What makes those organisations different that develop great cultures? And what is the role of values in developing culture.

Which brings me to my first Brit alert….I’m going to add a “u” into a word….don’t panic, roll with it, you’ll be fine….. corporate humour from Andrew Tarvin next as he talks about the 5 stages of working relationships.  Come to think of it, if I’d known this a while back I wouldn’t have sent all those unrequited emails…..oh well I guess you live and learn…..never did like them anyway….

You know that moment when you read a blog post and it resonates wholeheartedly with you?  This one from Dan McCarthy did just that with his advice on spotting “That Guy” in corporate environments. I should be clear…..when I say resonates…..I mean about someone else…..not me……honest……I’m one of the cool kids…..

Benjamin McCall is short and to the point….but he has got by in life pretty well nonetheless, whether that is through platforms or an abundance of talent I’ll leave to you to decide. And this post on innovation and ideas, is likewise short and to the point…..you snooze you lose….or words to that effect….but sounding cleverer than if I’d written them.

As an HR pro of some 15 years plus, I’m pretty used to seeing the early signs of workplace stress I know when someone needs a holiday. And that neatly brings me on to this little submission from Dwane Lay. Dwayne…..I’m on your side….I’m here for you…..call me? A little portion of video genius.

When it comes to blogging, us Brits are outnumbered by our American cousins.  We’re ok with that, after all we gave the world history, culture, language and essentially civilization. Blogging? We’ll give it to you. Jon Ingham has been blogging since he first laid his hands on a ZX Spectrum (or so he tells me) so to keep the Union Jack flying here is his post….from a conference……in America…..

I once worked in a company that had a revolving door policy….but I’ll leave that one to my memoirs.  Susan Heathfield has been talking about open door policies.  The good the bad and the ugly. Strikes me that open and honest communication might be key? But I’ve always been a revolutionary….

Do you remember when we used to have a banking system? Cast your minds back….remember? Then all of a sudden we started to talking about toxic assets, the pound became equivalent to three groats and America ate itself to death.  How about toxic team members though? These ones aren’t a by-product of over indulgent bankers, they’ve been around a lot longer and Wally Bock has some advice for dealing with them right here.

“If music be the food of love, play on”. Shakespeare…another Great British invention gifted to the world….you can thank me later. However, Ian Welsh is turning his thoughts to music and the workplace in both a literal and metaphorical sense. I’ve worked in few places that had more than a nod and wink to the Dead Kennedys. Harmonious it was not.

Those of you know me a little will know that existentialism is close to my heart. That along with beer, cheese and ridiculous shirts….hell I even had my own little existential crisis going on for a couple of years.  That is what happens when you work with people…..but “back in the room” Prasad Kurian is talking a lot of sense about HR and the creation of defining myths. I also see a semi slap for Ulrich in there, so it must be worth reading.

Where Paul Smith sees guppies, Carol Morrison sees green beans, (what is it with these metaphors people? HR is like a watermelon because……) however, Carol has the same name as my mother so I won’t have a word said against her.  If you’re worried about your shelf life or the shelf life or your co-workers, take a read and work out what might be going on.

Any post that takes its name from a Snow Patrol song and name-checks my friend Laurie Ruettimann is good with me. I’m fickle like that.  But if it also makes a great point about the boss being just that, THE BOSS, then I’m rolling on my back waiting to have my tummy tickled (metaphorically speaking of course).

Trevor Beattie has this theory that we need to stop heading for the one big idea and focus on having lots of little ideas and I hear more than a little of this message coming from this post from my American friend Steve Browne who challenges us to have 5 new ideas every day. That’s a lot to ask of a profession where many haven’t had 5 ideas in a career….never mind new ones!

When I was out in Atlanta for HR Evolution earlier this year I learnt that Americans are big on hugging.  As a Brit, if someone comes within 5 yards of me I go into attack mode.  It has got me this far in life and the psychiatrist is on a retainer with a high discount clause so we’re all good.  But it doesn’t mean that I don’t care for people.  Leaders need to show that they care for the people in their organizations, proposes Linda Fisher Thornton here. Care, yes. Hug, no.

Very few people can blog about recruitment for any period of time without turning into clichéd zombies that make you want to poke yourself in the eye with a rusty nail whilst dancing naked, with painted buttocks, and howling at the moon.  Take Mervyn Dinnen for example Mervyn Dinnen is a stand out exception a man who outputs more than he inputs, find out why.

HR technology…..like trying to eat a dozen dry biscuits after being out in the desert for three and half days surviving on pork scratchings. Or am I wrong? Seems like there is a lot going on that I’ve missed since crawling out from under my stone and who better to put me right than Mark Stelzner with his review of HR Technology 2011. And it was held in Vegas, so that desert reference shouldn’t go to waste (the pork scratchings though might be another thing….)

Dan McCarthy (above) talked about “That Guy” you know the one that always takes credit for everything? How infuriating is that? And when it comes to interview we all know the candidate that bangs on and on about what they have achieved with little mention of the poor minions that actually did a lot of the work. A theme touched upon by John Hunter in his post.  John I’m with you, but just for the record, who wrote that post…was it you or the small army of blog dwarfs you have under your desk?

Last but by no means least is the sensational Suzanne Lucas (Evil HR Lady) on why quitting isn’t always a bad thing to do.  And you know what? She’s right, which is why I’m going to stop now and bid you farewell.

You’ve been a great audience, don’t forget to pick up a t-shirt on your way out. If you like what you’ve seen, I’m available for weddings, funerals and bar mitzvahs, my rates are reasonable and I’m pretty much house trained.  But right now, I’m going for a long lie down in a dark room….I think that’s best for all of us, don’t you?